Finders, Keepers...

I'm certain that we can all relate to wanting to be understood; to wanting to be known in a special way--and to feeling seen. I know that I've spent a significant amount of my life to date trying to find and maintain community, in one way or another. Whether it was at school, in the local neighborhood, at work, through leadership and community service, or even in dating--I have spent lots of energy focused toward finding my people. It has led me to all sorts of places, physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and so much more, being on this dynamic and fluid journey. Through this journey, I have learned a lot about myself, others, and so much about life--everything from how awkward I can be while eating in front of others, to how others tend to perceive me as quiet and shy upon initial interactions, to how unimpressive and yet natural it is show up with or give off desperate energy when you've been dealt with the sting of rejection for so long. We all have had our moments. Nonetheless, plenty learning has been had.

Something that I've discovered along the stops of this journey is that much of finding, building, and maintaining community, relies on you--the person looking for it. Yes, I just said alla-dat. It is essential, in fact it is a must, to put your best effort into cultivating community. What that specifically looks like, feels like to you, or needs to be, is entirely up to you to learn, discover, and honor. However, making the effort to foster connection, to initiate, to support, to challenge, to acknowledge, to question, or whatever is needed in the moment to push the relationship forward, is up to you. There have been many times, in my life, (and I would bet yours too) where I have doubted who I have in my corner or I have underestimated who's truly there for me, or where I belong. It's interesting though that at each of those points, I was waiting for someone else to show up for me, to call, or to lead. It was when I decided that I would forget about my feelings and focus forward on building what I wanted to see in my relationships, that the right energy and connection began to flow. And when it didn't, I knew it was for a reason--the relationship had run its course, the timing was not right, or the effort just wasn't there. At this point in my life, I am completely okay with having a smaller community, and having fewer connections, as long as that smaller and fewer is mightier, more meaningful, and more impactful. It's always quality over quantity for me!

Another thing is this: finding your people is the easy part. The hard part is keeping them. Yep! I said it. It is so much more work, especially with different life seasons at play, shifting schedules, and various needs and lifestyles in consideration, to keep a relationship going strong. Whether it's your spouse, your best friend, your sibling, or your mentor--it requires so much more energy and momentum along the way to maintain a healthy, thriving, and meaningful relationship of any kind. As I've come into seasons recently that have truly tested the fabric of my relationships with so many people, I have had a lot of questions, doubts, and reflections. So much change in a short time for me, when I've been so used to being on the other end. But now it was my time--that has been hard, but also necessary, beautiful, and healing. There are a few things that have helped me stay grounded in this season that I'll share.

1. Hold fast to your values and beliefs: this will help you to stay connected with those that truly are in your life for the right reasons, and it will be that much easier to find alignment.

2. Be open and honest: if you don't share how you're feeling or what you're going through, folks can not be present for you, and when you do share, the relationship will be better and stronger for it.

3. Lead with intention: Make the time--to see each other in person, virtually, and connect by phone, memes, reels, or however is meaningful to connect. But take the time and space to show you care--you'll both need that someday and you'll never know when it matters most.

4. Take time to reflect: taking a step back to see what is fueling or hindering your growth is so important to your wellbeing, as well as seeing where your contributions are helping or hurting a connection. Immerse yourself in learning for the betterment of all involved.

5. Have fun: this will keep you making memories that will in turn make you want to create more of those moments--after all, life is short--get out there and make someone (including yourself), smile and laugh!

Relationships make us and life richer--let's keep investing in them for the good, even when it's hard.