Zapped and Dry

Have you ever reached a moment when you felt frustrated by just about everything and everyone that once used to inspire you and bolster your energy? Has there been a time when the activities, hopes, and interests that used to lift you up instead had you feeling tired and burdened? If your answer is yes, you're not alone. Recently, I have been experiencing these challenges and feeling weighed down by pressure to get my house in order in all areas of my life. I'm not sure whether it's the social media influencers, the self help books, the magazine covers at the grocery store, the flashes of holiday joy in current commercials, or the cheer in the voices of many of those I encounter as of late, or a combination of all of these, but this woman is TIRED.

Something else that seems to be contributing to this feeling of burnout and frustration is a sense that my efforts in a relatively uncomfortable number of relationships is unreciprocated. It seems like I spend hours or even days crafting the right messages, reaching out, networking, attending events, joining online programs, patronizing group activities, only to be met with what seems mostly like fleeting interest, surface level conversation, shallow communication, and flakiness. It's got me really wondering about the state of connection in 2024, the reality of attempting to cultivate friendship well post college, the need for boundaries in networking, the relationship building culture mystery of the Midwest, and most importantly the balance of energy and effort in my life.

Typically in my blogs, this would be the moment where I review what I've done to address what's worked for me in this area and how I've worked to overcome these challenges. Unfortunately, I don't have the cheat code as it's still being written. I am on this journey as we speak, figuring it out as I go, and wondering what comes next. All I know is that my hope has not been shattered, I am looking forward to better days ahead, and this chapter will be an important part of my story...lessons are coming. What I can share now is what I have in mind to try to address my feelings of imbalance in relationships, frustration with network false starts (aka flakiness when meeting new people), and dissatisfaction with my level of connectedness. My only disclaimer here is that these strategies are not yet fully tested or implemented, so please proceed with caution if you try them.

1. Conduct a friendship/relationship audit: I have been feeling like I am expending more energy than I am receiving in the way of connections with people in my life, and also as if I am spreading my limited time and resources with too many people. It's time to really evaluate what is working and what isn't and reallocate accordingly.

2. Build up my assertiveness and exercise better boundaries: Part of the problem is that I sometimes trust people more easily than I should, or go all in on a connection when I am yet to see any evidence of the return on the investment of time, or allow myself to be too nice and welcoming regardless of who I encounter, when I should proceed more cautiously and measuredly in interactions. It would also serve me well to guard my time and energy in my relationships and give the same energy I am receiving. I'd like to put more effort into the relationships that are genuine, life-giving, and serving me and my goals moving forward.

3. Invest more time in my personal passions: For a long time, I have been so invested in relationships of all kinds that I have not given enough time or effort toward my hobbies and personal interests and passions. It has mostly been work, school, and relationships that have taken my time and focus. I truly think that this season of life, as hard as it has been, has caused me to consider and focus more on how I spend my time and other resources, and one of the ways that I can shift things for good is to put more of me into fun. I'd like to have more to look forward to that is not dependent on other people.

   
   

   If you've ever experienced, or are currently experiencing something like what I described here, I want to validate your experience and let you know that you are not alone. I also would love to hear about your experience:

   1. If you've overcome these challenges, what worked for you in that season to get to the other side and who leaned into your journey?

   2. If you're still in the trenches of this season, what is on your mind and how would you envision making a change?